Nott What You'd Expected...

Missing Something.

Autonomy. Independence. Individuality.

A thought struck me today on my neverending journey to find an ATM and contact solution (a journey that took me to Sainsbury's Local, the petrol station, the tram stop, ASDA, and back...)..

I have been missing something. Missing is a strong word with probobly the wrong conotation in this sense, but missing is as close as i can come to describe it. Over the past four months I have become content to be enveloped in a greater whole- an ameoba of 9 Americans floating in the petri dish that is Nottingham/the UK/ The Continent of Europe.

Aside from random trips here or there, running errands (and even those trips alone are few and far between), I have had little to no alone/individual time here. Even at home in the states, time at a job or time running or time just out running mindless errands was time alone, my time. Here, i have for whatever reason avoided such individuality. Crosscountry, Classes, a possible job- any chance I have had to stand out as an individual has been compromised by some personal choice to cling to a fellow American.

Missing makes it sound like i am yearning for it, when in actuality i've made no attempt whatsoever to break from the group. Even in posts on this blog I find it hard to avoid saying WE instead of I... (look back to past posts if you haven't already noticed the sickening use of WE on a personal blog.... i'm sure psychologists could have a field day)

Bottom line, I need to branch out, make an effort to be an individual here as opposed to a part of the greater whole. Flat cohesiveness is great, but maybe there's more to this than just surviving 9 months in a foreign country. As much as I love this program, sometimes i wonder if i didnt take the easy way out in A) participating in a program that is so close to the US, or B) choosing a program that is so Luther and other-Americanny oriented.

As always, no matter how subtle or calm my thoughts actually are, they become extremified and polarized when put on paper (or rocketed into cyberspace).... I love it here, I love my flatmates, I love everything about the lazy weeks we've been having (maybe not everything), but I have come to the realization that more needs to be done- I need to make an effort to experience this on a more personal level as opposed moving around in packs. (packs if we are wolves, although a murder of crows or a pod of whales sounds more interesting....)

New Year's Resolution #13: Get out more, Become involved on an individual basis, experience on a personal level.


Easier said/typed/thought than done.
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ok. self improvement over. in a final sidenote, can you believe how expensive contact solution is over here? the big bottle my eye doctor in the states give me for free costs over 25 dollars here! thank god for WalMart and its UK equivalent, ASDA, for having cheap and crappy solution (not no-rub, but i'll make do) for only 4 pounds.

posted by Kevin @ 2:03 PM