Cutting the Cord...and Reflection on Reflection
A special day today: although the mood is somber, and dinner was lonely, Thursday Nov 2 marked the 'cutting of the cord'. The group, for so long attached at the proverbial hip, has finally been broken. not in an altogether negative way, but in a sense that we have finally divided- the girls went to London today, and the lame-ass guys stayed home....
It feels like such a friday today. to the point where i'm not too sure if i want or need to go to class tomorrow. why is it that when the heat is on and pressure is building, you feel like you could do anything, but when you're expected to attend 4 hrs of class in an entire week, you end up half asleep in half of them and running the lowest mileage of your life? There's something to be said for consistency and having self motivation.
in our class with the muggli's today, the focus was our journals. i won't complain, because all in all i enjoy my newfound habit of blogging and reflection, but taking a deep look at what journaling is and what the purpose may be is a little altering. Immediate reaction is often tainted by events and logistics. Taking time allows you to self-edit and sometimes arrive at a deeper conclusion- one that sometimes misses the intimate details, but can really allow you to relive the moment.... what i took out of the session was a strange feeling of guilt and appreciation. a strange combo to be sure, but i really felt as though i had been living through my journal and the blog instead of experiencing the moment.
as lame as it might sound- and hopefully other quasi-writers and poets can relate here- having a pull or connection to a reflection, a written product that conveys information- almost takes the living out of life. in a way, it's living in a metaphysical way- reacting to a personal reaction that i should be having- (wow that all sounds entirely too deep).... to dumb it down, i sometimes feel like instead of saying 'that's cool', i end up thinking 'that would be awesome on the blog'.... in a way, it's like living for others- hoping that the people that actually read this (including myself, in the future when this is all said and done) will in some way be impressed or satisfied with my experience.
which begs the question- what is the purpose of this journal, or journals at all for that matter? should i dive into heavy stuff, constantly cranking out editorials and long winded (too late) responses to daily events? are itineraries boring, or necessary to remember what i've done? In the end, i fear that i'll forget the little things.... things that don't seem like anything now, but could be huge in bringing back the emotions and feelings that i've had on this trip so far.
THE LITTLE THINGS:
-the way you have to turn the tv on and then change channels in order to get any kind of signal
-the way that the tube on the dryer hangs out of a hole cut in the window and sometimes falls out
-the way no one ever locks the library using the upper and lower locks, just the middle one
-the way Emily and I can never remember to cut through the Portland Building on our way home from Islam, and end up walking an extra half mile every time
-the way honey always seeps through the bottom of the crumpets, getting the plate or countertop sticky
-the way Mark insists on wearing mock turtlenecks with the sleeves full while rolling up the sleeves and leaving slightly unbuttoned his dress shirt on top. not to mention the black jeans.
-the way Ryan won't eat salad
-the way that no matter where you are in the flat, you can always hear that damned BeepBoop of the entry alarm
-the way Goddard says 'Qur'an'
the list could go on for days, but i really feel like it's these little things that i'll forget unless i document them, and these things that will bring back the little idiosyncracies of my experience here...
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Tomorrow looks lame (not that tonight provides any real excitement)- basically, Ryan leaves for spellunking until Sunday, and Aaron and Brandon have Orchestra, Rowing, Choir, and other commitments that will keep me secluded in the house alone. Which brings two thoughts to mind: A, i have no friends. i should have gone to the xc social, but it seemed altogether too much of a pain in the ass, and although we have a small meet on sunday, it might not work out with sunday night's plans.........and B) maybe i might actually get some reading, journaling, field notebooking, and essay writing done.....yeah.....
or i'll just watch the first 5 episodes of LOST that i just illegally downloaded off of pirate internet sites and attempt to master Arrested Development before the girls return....
posted by Kevin @ 6:37 PM
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