Nott What You'd Expected...

The Holiday....for real?

Hmmm.... so last night, in an effort to catapult the group into a feeling of holiday jubilation and christmassy love, we made a collective decision to attend the sappy formulaic holiday movie of the year, aptly titled The Holiday. The title should have been a warning as to the complete incapablitiy of writers to come up with a better title, as should the awkard combination of Jack Black and Kate Winslet in a romantic setting (it's like Arsenal playing the Urbandale Rec U9 Ponies in a friendly, it just doesn't quite match up)...

To try my hand at what i consider a possible career choice if teaching doesn't quite pay the bills, the following is a scathing review of The Holiday, complete with one night's rest in order for it to ruminate and stew in my head.....

The Holiday


What starts of as a cutesy, kitschy kind of a plot- two women hate boys, switch homes on a whim (do these people have jobs at all?) turns into one of the most painful and tiresome holiday films in years. I won't call it the worst, having never seen Santa Clause III, but based on the fact that people litterally ran out of the theatre, it speaks for itself.

The word 'formulaic' and 'cheesy' don't begin to describe how awkward the writing is or how clunky the plot becomes.... The characters as written are pathetic, driveling, and i suppose the feeling of loathing that we begin to assume as audience members is written purposefully, but the distaste for every whiny, high pitched skwak that comes out of Cameron Diaz's mouth is completely personal....
Seeing Jack Black in a romantic role was uncomfortable at first, but he added to the movie, almost making it tolerable. Kate Winslet, the most pathetic of the four main actors in her inability to get over her unrequitted love grew on me, but plot holes big enough to drive a double decker buss through.....
Highlights: Mr Napkin Head, the two little girls who seem to be spoonfed cute lines to keep the audience from hurling popcorn at the otherwise painfully long flick, and the old guy, who THANK GOD doesn't die as i thought he would (don't worry, it really doesn't ruin the movie knowing the old guy doesn't die.... it probobly is more of a relief).... Jude Law and Jack Black are pretty tolerable.... although, why Jude went with Cameron is still confusing.....

Major Downfalls: Cameron Diaz. Give me Something About Mary any day, but has she done anything decent otherwise? Ever? How about realism.... It's funny that now, as a citizen of the Empire, I can watch movies that depict the UK in a critical way and get pissed that they're 'doing it all wrong'... Snow, that much snow, in what seems to be a deserted village just 40 minutes from London?

First of all, i hope you're on a Concord Jet flying 40 minutes from London, otherwise, you're going to have outcroppings and neighborhoods.... it takes almost an hour from the city limits to get to the first bus stop on the outskirts....pulease. And the snow? Yesterday was the first time in Nottingham that people had to scrape their cars of frost. Don't tell me it snows all the time (perfect, huge flakes) when we still have leaves on our trees and the grass is greener than green.....
Whew..... My grade? Eh, for having Jack Black and cutesy little kids, it's saved from eternal damnation.... I can't believe i paid 4.50 for this......: C-

In other news, the theatre was awesome- a huge, circular multiplex with theares on 4 floors.... it's decorated on the outside by christmas lights that dangle in huge rows from the top floor, and each theatre is enourmous. The seats are huge, and the leg room is unmatched. I was almost uncomfortble because i had too much room.....

The best part (what Brandon again highlighted as why this country is "The Most Watched People on the Planet", a voice came on before the flick, and reminded us that "We have plainclothes workers, workers in uniforms, cameras, nightvision cameras, and people up here in the booth watching you.... do not make this a bad experience for your fellow moviegoers.... no video, no cell phones, cell phones are illegal in theatres....etc"

Scary. It's like Big British Brother....1984 or something....

posted by Kevin @ 12:49 PM