Nott What You'd Expected...

Bunns and Jesus Camp

So i realize that in my painfull month of employment, aside from bashing Gary and my decline of appreciation in the British accent, I haven't really touched on my esteemed colleagues.

Yesterday sucked. You know that feeling of being in a situation where you have no idea what's going on, but you have to fake it- like a class where you didn't read the book, but the professor insists on asking you the big questions in front of the rest of the class? Yeah, that's how my Monday went.

Take one of the busiest cob shops in West Bridgeford, subtract a few lazyass employees who skipped out on work, and replace the normal short order cook Tom with me, the friendly neighborhood American who -despite years of sandwich making experience and a college education- is apparently a moron. Gary had boasted about the difference between an academic education and the education that comes from experience, and he was intent on making me fail in the latter.

It's hard to convey the hectic atmosphere of a workstation where I'm simultaneously frying bacon, cracking eggs, cooking sausage, making cobs, cleaning flat iron grills, buttering buns, scooping beans/mushrooms/tomatoes, and attempting to look like i know what i'm doing while my boss is hovering, 'making sure i get on alright'. It was frustrating.

At one point, i was accused of trying to kill the patrons who were unable to eat bread, simply by cutting a bun over the jacket potato station. I had no idea we had separate stations. I then buttered the bun with the potato butter, thus insuring the demise of 1% of the gluten-free population. I didn't lose any sleep last night over it.

Back to the supporting cast:
Maxine- 35 year old who looks like she's 25. Parties hard, but can still sympathize with Amanda, the part owner who accused me of hating people with dietary disabilities. She's cool, but the accent is so thick I swear she's making fun of me....

Natalie- my girl, my mentor, my short friend, 25 maybe?, basically told me everything I needed to know, and did half of my job yesterday- at the same time, a bit of a stickler. She has invested her whole life in this job, and it's sad.

Gary- as previously stated, hates academics but loves slicing vegetables. Simon Cowell meets Emeril meets Droopy Dog

Amanda- her accent is one that will stick with me forever as the 'Nottingham Accent'- part owner, used to like me but i have a feeling it's wearing thin. I may be the most paranoid worker ever.... She's a blond ball of energy to say the least...

Tom- former uni student, in his last year of schooling, nice guy- too nice? works up front, so i hardly see him (or the rest of them, really...)

Heidi- new girl, attends Trent, admitted to having diarehha....wtf is going on? Good to see someone else struggling....

In other news, my dependance for TrentFM grows.... it's the only station we listen to at work, and I'm getting hooked on the strange affinity for repetitive BritPop, hip British Rock, classic Cranberries and Alanis Morrisette songs, along with the same lame commercials every day...
My favorite commercials? One, for oven chips ("CHIPS GLORIOUS CHIPS! MMMM CRISPY! CHIPS GLRORIOUS CHIPS MMMM FLUFFY!") and another, for insurance sold by the company Churchill, which uses a really annoying bulldog who apparently speaks in a Winston Chuchill accent and dares the listener to 'challenge Churchill'- don't they find this moderately offensive, that the greatest politician in the last 100 years is being personified in animal form, and given a crappy accent? I'm trying to think of an American equivalent, but nothing is coming to mind.....

Last night I busied myself with everything but my TV Cultures final- instead, I managed to download a creepy fundamentalist Christian independant film/documentary that shows kids in a very conservative yet very cutting edge bible camp in Devil's Lake, ND. Basically, more terrifying than the Islamic movement in the Middle East.... You think I'm kidding? Imagine an America in which 88 million people disavow all faith in the public schooling system and home school them in order to teach their kids that Darwin was a satanist, Harry Potter is the work of the devil, and George Bush is the closest thing to God that this nation has ever seen. Scared yet? It's real, and it's part of the evangelical movement -


Rememember that Ted Haggard guy?

A different take, using some other clips from the movie...


I guess for now, I'll leave it at that.... I was up until 3 finishing the paper, and i guess to be pefectly honest I wasn't that impressed with it. Something about writing about The Office for 2000 words just didn't flow well- I hit about 1500 and it'll have to do- the assingment was for 1500-2000, so good enough.

Mom and Darol here in 2 days, cleaning, packing, planning, reading, enjoying the weather- lots to do.

posted by Kevin @ 5:52 PM