Skating With Children
Ok. So I'm back. not sure what caused the long delay- maybe it was the crushing guilt of missing weeks and weeks of interesting, relavent posting- and trust, day care kids are worth two blog posts a day at minimum- but nevertheless, I'm feeling revitalized.... and just in time to leave the state for some Crosscountry Punishment, Doug Nelson High Altitude Hard Ass Training Camp style in less than a week.
Yesterday, before Andy and I had the pleasure of being kicked out of the Suite Boxes at the ICubs game, and before the driving, sandstorm-from-The Mummy-like rain forced us to ditch the floundering Cubbies in the second inning, I experienced the joy of Skating With Children.
During my foray on four wheels at KTC, I came up with a few cutesy 'future stand up comedy bits' worthy of posting, so here goes:
Ahem.
The Limbo is, and will always be, a blatent celebration of terrible geneology- especially the version played at skating rinks across the country.... Since when was being undersized and sickly a talent to be celebrated? Unless Brad Pitt and the rest of Danny Ocean's crew is in town looking for a new Chinaman to shove into a vault, I'm thinking I'll enjoy my >4 foot frame. I'm all for cheering for the little guy every once in a while (punny, no?), but let's be honest, we've been coddling today's children.
While zipping around the fluorescent oval on my blazing orange quads, I came to another conclusion. Skating (on four wheels at least...) is a lot like Karaoke. I may have mentioned this before, but as a decent singer, Karaoke presents a problem. A conundrum. There's no positive outcome in a karaoke event.
Sing too well, and you look like you're trying- a right show off. Downplay your ability, and not only do you sound like crap, but you're letting Steve Prefontaine down ('to give anything but your best is to sacrifice the gift...etc). And no one wants that. WWSD. So there it is.
I won't call myself the best skater ever, but if Apollo Ono where to stumble across Skate North in Urbandale at say, 2 pm yesterday, I might be on a jet to the Olympic Training Center.... that's all I'm saying. And if the Olympics ever devised some kind of obstacle course for speed skating using small, green-shirted children as pylons, just call me Eric Heiden.
posted by Kevin @ 3:21 PM
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